We are currently experiencing a dynamic and important time in history.
Like many people, I get turned off at the mention of the ‘end of the world’ and too much hype around any specific dates, and impending doom. There is a lot of hype around ‘2012’ these days, a lot of it farfetched, which makes it easy to dismiss as simply another false ‘end of days’ for religious fanatics who enjoy the drama. BUT, I do feel there truly is something to this particular date however exact or inexact the Mayans were in predicting this as an end of a great cycle. There is an undercurrent of very powerful energy right now and in the next couple years some important changes will be taking place. Being an astrologer, I can see certain patterns and know that it is all too easy to see potential with fearful eyes, when in reality it often does not manifest in negative ways. It is important to remain objective when assessing planetary movements. Life moves and changes. There are things we can control and things we can’t, things we can see coming and things that remain shrouded in mist.
Free Will & Karma
There are potentials awaiting to be born and whether they manifest is up to us in the present moment, as we have free will. Some would say that truly ‘free’ will is an illusion, for the universe operates by the law of Karma, which is the law of cause and effect- action has consequence. What we do and say affects others and creates a ripple effect that will eventually find its way back to us in some form. Nothing exists in a vacuum, for we are all connected by an invisible fabric that moves and flows in a karmic dance we are all taking part in. Actions of pure intent, kindness and compassion create a different karma from actions of violence, hatred and greed. Even inaction and passivity have their own karma. During this time of global and universal change, I feel the concept of karma is of utmost importance. An interesting read on karma and free will: http://www.salrachele.com/webarticles/karmaandfreewill.htm
2012 Hype
According to the Mayan calendar, we are nearing the end of a very long cycle, often interpreted as the end of time, due to it being the end of the calendar itself. The Mayans had a different view of life than us and measured time from a spiritual perspective, and really, if you think of life in terms of cycles, there truly is no ‘end’, simply the beginning of a new cycle. So here we are, in the end of an old cycle, at the cusp of a new one. There are all sorts of researchers, occultists, scientists who have found interesting correlations between the Mayan end date of Dec 21, 2012 and other potential cataclysmic shifts that may happen at the same time. However I have also heard that this end date has been corrected to October 28th, 2011. There is a TON of information on the internet on this subject. If you google ‘Mayan Calendar 2012’ or ‘Oct 28th, 2011’ you can read for days on all the hype, debate, interesting correlations, predictions, and such.
I do not delve too deeply into this information, but I do like to hear different views on the subject of the current time we are in and weigh it against my own intuitive sense. I am very sensitive to the world around me, and often feel very personally where humanity is at in any given moment, thoughts, beliefs and collective stresses. It is like having a radar constantly attuned to the masses, which sometimes makes it difficult to stay focused within, and hold strong boundaries. I ‘feel the news’ rather than read it, and somehow carry a knowing of our history without having paid much attention in school to the facts and dates. It is hard to describe, but in some way I feel I carry all of humanity as a whole with me at all times. It is important for me to practice Yoga, because this is how I stay grounded within my body and myself while also being open to the universe around me. I can’t completely turn off the extra information I receive, nor do I want to, but I do feel it is necessary to contain and hold my center, stay grounded, and navigate my path with some extra mindfulness these days.
What is happening?
I feel that the shifts happening now to October or 2012 are real, but are not necessarily ‘earthbound’. I feel they are more spiritual happening on a higher and deeper plane, which may likely affect the physical dimension we live in, but perhaps not in the catastrophic ways we imagine. I also feel it will affect certain people more than others, depending on how open and attuned to their higher self they are. Those with heavy knots of karma in their energy field and body will likely be affected the most adversely. Newer souls with less karmic burden may not be affected, and those working on a spiritual path of cleansing and healing with benefit. Here’s why..
Scientists have discovered there are actually 11 dimensions. It may be hard for us to conceive of this, since we live in such a small, 3 dimensional reality, like ants in a Persian rug. But there is so much that is unexplained, mostly because we can’t see or connect with these other dimensions, except perhaps accidentally on a drug trip or from intense spiritual practice and meditation. According to Barbara Hand Clow, an astrologer, shamanic practioner and channeler, humans have access to 9 dimensions. Right now, we are functioning mostly between the 2nd and 4th… in the coming years, especially around Oct 28th 2011, the other dimensions will open up to us, the effects of which will be a surge of energy, which for some who are ill-equipped, will be hard to handle. For others, like I mentioned above, who are clear vessels for energy, can benefit from this leap in consciousness, or allow it to simply pass through them possibly undetected. It is interesting that the end of October is ‘Samhain’ for pagans, the origin of Halloween… it is said to be the time of year when the ‘veil between the worlds’ is thinnest, which is why we celebrate ancestors and loved ones passed on. It makes sense that it could also be a doorway to higher consciousness on a global scale.
I found Barbara Hand Clow’s insight to be close to my own instinct on this whole issue. But I am open to the possibility that the universe has her own surprises that we cannot conceive of!
Check out Barbara Hand Clow: http://www.handclow2012.com/
Staying Aligned Through Change…
For the last month, I have felt it imperative to practice yoga. While I have kept a regular practice for 10 years now, the nature of my journey took many twists and turns, to new teachings and side-roads into other realms of mind-body-spirit integration and healing. The last couple of years my energy has been dissipated by other duties leaving me little focus or energy for the type of yoga practice I used to have. But in the last month or so, since I have had some time off, my yoga has been calling me strongly to come back and sit, come back to beginner’s mind, focus within, pull in my energy and return to my roots, to simplicity. I have been getting the message that I must keep my crown chakra open, align vertically, stay centered, slow down, breathe and be open to the divine.
There is a quickening in the atmosphere. More experience seems to be happening in a shorter period of time for many people. Intense experiences, concentrated karma, a strong undercurrent of forward motion, a ‘shit or get off the pot’ push from the universe. Big changes are taking place. We must shed the attachments weighing us down. Make a choice. Let go and move forward. It feels like we are going through a narrow tube at a fast rate, akin to being pushed through a birth canal. Perhaps it is wise to think of this period as a birth rather than a death?
My gut feeling on this whole 2012 thing is to not fear an end of days planetary collapse. This is an exciting time, an opening, a birth, an opportunity to recreate ourselves anew. This change is coming from within, not without. It is not about stocking food and blankets for an oncoming earthly disaster… earth changes are not the thing to think about or fear. It is happening inside of us, coming from within. From what I received from my own guiding wisdom is that the best way to prepare for the changes to come is to become a clear and open vessel- remove the blockages and obstacles to energy flowing through you. Rid yourself of as much stagnant karma as you can, or the universe will do it for you, perhaps ruthlessly. Stay aligned and centered. Breathe. Trust that if you are open to the divine, and aligned with your higher self, any chaos will flow right through you, and awaken you. Keep life simple. Slow down. Breathe deep and let go of anything weighing you down. You are divine, you are love, you ARE that which you seek.
My current favourite mantra:
LOKAH SAMASTA SUKHINO BHAVANTU
May all beings everywhere be happy and free and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.
To remove obstacles in your life and blocked energy in your aura and physical body, invoke Ganesh (Elephant God photo above), remover of obstacles with this mantra:
AUM VIGHNA NASANAYA NAMAH
(Om Vig-nah Nah-sha-nah-yah Na-ma-ha)
And here is the “seed sound” for those moments when you cannot collect your thoughts and totally forget the mantra. It can also be used by those of you who prefer something short and sweet. It’s just one syllable and sounds exactly how it looks.
GUM
http://theprosperityproject.blogspot.com/2007/02/ganesh-mantra-for-removing-obstacles.html
Its time to decide how you want to live- in an endless cycle of suffering? In a state of heightened awareness and grace? Are you ready to embrace the truth of our oneness? What obstacles to your growth need to be removed? What karmic actions do you want to produce in the world?
Tags: 2012, 9 dimensions, astrology, free will, karma, oct 28th 2011, yoga
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“To go in the dark with a light is to know light.
To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,
And find that the dark too, blooms and sings,
And is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.”
-Wendell Berry
I seem to think and write a lot about the wisdom gained through darkness. The Goddess’ underbelly, the underworld. The home of our deepest fears, death, and the unknown.
I suppose my obsession with it comes from a sensitivity and fascination with the taboos of our culture. Our collective fear of death, of the unknown, of fear itself, of sexuality and of women- who hold an innate power due to our intimate relationship with loss and birth through our menstrual cycle, through motherhood, and menopause. Our blood holds wisdom and power so feared by the detached, intellectual, male-dominant world we function in. This world that values constancy and ease over change and discomfort, industry over nature, speed and extroversion over slowness and introspection.
What I love so much about my personal journeys to the underworld is how it brings me to a place of balance. I find my centre. I remember what is truly important to me. I remember how strong I really am and how meaningless a lot of things are, that I previously thought important. I am forced to slow down, pay attention, get uncomfortable, embrace change.
There are many opportunities large and small for us to visit our personal underworld in life. Any major stressful event- such as marriage, moving, divorce/separation, relationship breakup, losing a loved one, getting pregnant, having a baby, losing a baby, starting a new job, losing a job, major illness, poverty etc. are large ways of bringing us face to face with our fears, old childhood issues, and any the glaring imbalances in our lives. We may feel victimised, scared, alone, depressed, unable to ‘see the light’. We are often pushed way outside our comfort zones, made vulnerable, and forced to let go of something in order to process this major change/rite of passage.
Other ways that are smaller-scale, but often more frequent are: minor illness, menstruation, family gatherings, quarrels, travel, etc. Basically, anything that halts the smooth hum of daily life, our comfort zone, our sense that we are in control and know who we are.
It seems this winter has a lot of people sick here in Toronto. A lot of flus and colds going around. I have pretty much caught everything so far, often coordinating with my period, although sometimes not, so I’ve gotten to go down to my deeper realms several times a month. It’s funny because each person I have spoken to who was experiencing this nasty stomach flu were expressing to me old pain from childhood and fears coming up along with everything else. My husband struggled with the voice of his father telling him to ‘be a man.’ while vomiting. He was thrown right back into a childhood trauma. A friend of mine realised during her flu just how lonely she felt and how she hadn’t truly grieved the loss of her mother nine years ago.
My flu reminded what my limits are in terms of taking care of others at the expense of myself, and forced me to make some decisions about changes I needed to make in my life in order to lessen my burden, and live in accordance with my true priorities. I am still letting go of the remnants of those changes.
Illness renders us vulnerable. When in a state of vulnerability we realise what we truly want and need, and finally become open to change.
When you stop fighting and allow change to flow through you, the negative effects are lessened. Next time you fall ill this winter, or menstruate, take the time to slow down, and reflect on what is coming up for you. Embrace your vulnerability. Be a baby! Are you overwhelmed? By what? Why? What or who is not worth spending energy on right now? How would you like your life to change? What can you let go of? What part of you is asking for your attention? Often the part of your body that is ailing will give a big clue as to what the emotional root is. I recommend the small handbook Heal Your Body by Louise Hay on correspondences between illnesses and their psychological roots. This book also gives healing affirmations to help you create a path of change.
When I had my daughter, I felt as though the universe had taken away my flashlight to get through the darkness. I was a frequent meditator, yogini, a light seeker. Not a stranger to the darkness, no. But one who found many techniques and practices to give me clarity, understanding and healing for my pain. But this time, I was unable to use these tools. The demands on my body and mind were too much. I was forced to ‘go dark’ as the quote above states. And I did. Even with my hair colour & style (chuckle). I felt a new depth of depression, confusion and vulnerability I had not previously known.
Becoming a mother was a great lesson in letting go, in putting my own needs higher on the list (after my daughter), and in peaceful acceptance of limitations of what I could accomplish. I am ever grateful for being sightless in the dark. My intuition and psychic sense has developed amazingly since that time, since it had been my only guide. I have greater trust in the unknown, and a new depth of feeling and compassion I would not have gotten any other way.
I am still a ‘light seeker’ in many ways, someone who likes to feel in control and on top of things, enjoying accomplishing things I set out to do, comfort and convenience, including certain high-speed elements of life, feel-good quotes and experiences…. I am equally a night-walker, a cave-dweller, a lover of dark, quiet and mystery, who looks forward to the next opportunity to let go of something I don’t really need, and feel the depths of pain I need to in order to move forward, and embrace the ever-changing nature of the moment.
I don’t really think life needs to be described in terms of ‘light’ and ‘darkness’ as I feel they are just part of a continuum, an ever-changing flow of pleasure and pain…perhaps the more we allow ourselves to be open, real, vulnerable and flexible, the less darkness feels like darkness, and the less light feels like light, and the more it all just feels like life? Let’s embrace it all!
From all this exploration of darkness, I have been inspired to start this new class as a way of helping women get in touch with their inner voice and find some relief and comfort during the dark phase of the menstrual cycle: Dark Moon Yoga for Menstruation, PMS and Relaxation…Please check it out!
Tags: dark goddess, Dark moon yoga, menstrual cramps yoga, sacred menstruation, yoga for menstruation, yoga for relaxation, yoga for women toronto, yoga menstruation toronto
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This January 2011, I am pleased to finally be offering my Prenatal YogaBelly class! This new class that has been in the back of my mind for 3 years since my pregnancy with my daughter. In fact, the very structure of YogaBelly was conceived at the same time, as my practices of yoga and bellydancing began to intermingle with my studies of the Sacred Feminine into an organic flow that is now YogaBelly.
What makes this different from another prenatal yoga class??
Prenatal YogaBelly is unique because it offers the gifts of yoga, meditation, bellydancing, which have all been proven to be helpful during pregnancy and labour. On top of that, there is the added benefit of female empowerment that comes with this uniquely Goddess-y experience. While it is certainly common, and seemingly ‘everyday’ that women become mothers, the transition to motherhood is in truth, sacred , magical and unique. Each woman will have her own path, and each path should be treated with reverence, honor and loving kindness.
Pregnancy is more than morning sickness, backache, and swollen feet. It’s more than buying cute baby things, packing the hospital bag and making a birth plan. While all these things are real, they are such a small part of this whole-self transition. Women deserve more during this life change…resources that support not only the physical changes of pregnancy, but the emotional and spiritual threads connected to them. Women also deserve full acknowledgment of the courage and surrender it takes to bring life into this world, and continued value and support as both an individual woman and mother after the baby is born.
We are lucky that we live in more conscious times than our mothers. We have many forms of prenatal exercise, hypnobirthing, midwives and doulas, hospital vs home birth choices, more information about everything (for better or for worse), and more. But still, many of us have birth experiences that are disappointing and experience a lack of support during the post-partum time, which can involve depression, guilt and other emotions we feel are out of place or unacceptable. Thankfully, doulas are becoming well known, which can help alleviate these challenges. And there is YogaBelly, which is a truly unique and wholistic form of prenatal as well as post-natal exercise that you can do regularly until birth and after your baby is born. A class that attends not only to the physical, but also to the emotional, sensual and divinely feminine experience of pregnancy and motherhood!
Prenatal YogaBelly offers many benefits:
Meditations & Affirmations:
- An increased bond with your baby in utero as a whole, sentient being.
- Trust in your instincts and intuition
- Confidence using visualisation as healing for pregnancy and birth
- Relationship to Goddess archetypes- realisation of your divinity and power as a mother. Explore your inner creatrix, nurturer, playful maiden, sensual lover, priestess, strong woman and many more.
- Ability to use and create your own affirmations for positive outcomes and inner empowerment
Yoga:
-Deepened breathing- increased oxygen to fetus.
-Ability to consciously relax which you will need in labour
- Strengthened muscles of the pelvic floor
-Relief of muscular and joint tension
- Improved posture and weight bearing of the body
- Improved circulation to uterus and fetus.
- Increased ‘happy’ brain chemicals
- Improved mood which improves baby’s mood
- Improved balance
- Increased focus and stamina for labour
Bellydancing:
Bellydance is thought to actually have originated as a ‘birth dance’ where women would gather around the woman in labour and perform undulations and shimmies for her to emulate to encourage the baby’s descent into the birth canal.
During pregnancy, the soft, circular and sensual movements of bellydance are unparalleled at relieving tension in the hips, lower back, upper back, and legs. It also inherently revives a woman’s connection to her sensual and creative self which are central to the experience of pregnancy and birth. Other amazing benefits include:
- Gentle strengthening & relaxation of the abdominals and other muscles required for a smooth labour.
- Relief from pelvic strain and discomfort
-Helps your baby move into the optimal head-down position for birth.
-Improved circulation to uterus
-Release of ‘happy’ brain chemicals
-Improved balance
-Increased self-esteem– feeling beautiful in your curves.
-Sisterhood- being part of a women’s circle makes each woman feel supported, honored, accepted and loved.
-Increased ability to follow your body’s natural impulses which will help you through each contraction in labour, as well as throughout your pregnancy.
This class is completely unique. It is the only prenatal fitness class to give you all these benefits in a sacred, and intimate, feminine setting, guided by a woman who has been there before. As a mother who practiced yoga and bellydance before and throughout her pregnancy, and after birth, I can attest to the immense benefits this combination creates for the mother-to-be, and postpartum mother in reclaiming your self and your body again. I’ve created this class and this setting because it is what I felt I wanted most during my pregnancy, but was unable to find. I now offer this gift to you, joyously and lovingly, in hopes that you will feel you have found a spiritual ‘home’ to support you on your journey.
To register for upcoming Prenatal YogaBelly classes, click here! (and scroll down the page a bit)
Namaste,
Serena
Tags: bellydance, goddess yoga, Prenatal bellydance, prenatal dance, Prenatal exercise, prenatal yoga, prenatal yoga toronto, yoga, yoga for pregnant women toronto, yoga for women toronto
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‘Dadme la muerte que me falta.’… ‘Give me the death I need.’ -Rosario Castellanos (Mexican Poet)
How often do we truly surrender to the Death Goddess? How often do we desperately want to go down to our inner basements and give it a good cleaning? The cobwebs, the old pains, the memories, the creepy bugs…the sheer work of it… make it an unappealing task. So we put it off, until something or someone drags us down there, kicking and screaming…because over time it has gotten even more cluttered, more dusty and more demanding.
But, let’s not forget the reward! Sometimes simply the reminder of what is down there and what we’ve been holding onto, can create a new perspective, a new affirmation of life, of who we are, and who we are no longer. When we realise that we don’t need certain things and we decide to let them go, we are embracing nature- the life/death/rebirth cycle. We are feeding our souls, and giving ourselves the gift of life. When we finally take an old piece of ourselves, give it a hug, thank it and let it go, we are finally free to inhale new possibilities, new ventures, and new love.
At this time of year- Halloween, Scorpio, Samhain, Fall… The nights are longer, the darkness is creeping in. Nature is prompting us to let something (or several things) die. Our bodies may become ill as a way of processing this request. Or perhaps we simply experience tension, confusion or general malaise.
I don’t believe Death and Life are separate entities or forces, as they are often depicted in mythology and media. They are one and the same. Within the vibrant life of a mother’s pregnant womb there is also a seed of death- of parts of herself, dreams, the ways she used to be. Within the decision to embark on a new career path or move to a new city or town there is always a cluster of painful goodbyes incubating, waiting to be born at the same time.
Even when death seems to suddenly capture you out of nowhere, by the sudden loss of a loved one, or loss of a job, a hope or dream you held dear… there is the seed and promise of new life. There is space created in your inner basement, waiting to be integrated into a new vision or used in some new way.
I am re-reading one of my favourite books right now -‘Women Who Run with the Wolves’..and I love how Clarissa Pinkola Estés explains the nature of ‘Lady Death’:
‘The archetype of the life/death/life force is grossly misunderstood in many modern cultures.Some no longer understand that Lady Death represents an essential creation pattern…Lady Death enfolds the already dying, easing their pain, giving them comfort. In curanderisma, she is said to turn the baby in the womb to the headfirst position so it can be born. She is said to guide the hands of the midwife, to open the pathways of the mother’s milk in the breasts, as well as comfort anyone who weeps alone. Rather than vilifying her, those who know her in full cycle respect her largess and her lessons.’
Where are you ready to welcome the comfort and new life that ‘Lady Death’ offers? What do you feel it is time to let go of, and what wisdom did it leave you with that you can now take with you on your journey?
Learn about the Gods & Goddesses of Death here: http://paganwiccan.about.com/od/samhainoctober31/a/GodsOfDeath.htm
My Blood Moon altar- white, red & black ribbon symbolising the life/death/rebirth cycle
Tags: death goddess, goddess spirituality
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My daughter is getting close to her 2nd birthday, and being with her full time, without my usual ‘escapes’ of dance class or teaching yoga and having no childcare or family around, I become a very tired mommy. (Hence the infrequent and irregular blog updates!)
For the most part, I am used to the daily exhaustion from the battles of will, constant cleaning, managing the chaos, sacrificing my needs, etc.. It’s all part of embracing this ‘mother’ phase of a woman’s life, where we nurture life, take on responsibility, surrender, give to the world, produce, create and compromise.
But I admit I often long for the sweet freedom of my ‘maiden’ phase of life… the time of life when I was fully independent, thinner, stronger, more energetic, had more friends, and more fun. It is true, with each passing day I forget what it was like, but once in awhile, I am reminded of the joy of exploring the city on my bike all day, staying out late with friends, ignoring household chores without consequences, or just having a shower or going to the bathroom in peace.
The phases of Maiden, Mother and Crone correspond to the phases of the moon cycle, our menstrual cycle, and life cycles as women. Also known as the ‘Triple Goddess’ in Wicca and paganism, she is the 3 faces of the moon when new, full, and waning; the menstrual cycle during the follicular (building) phase, ovulation, and the luteal(releasing) phase; and in the phases of our life from puberty-young adult, adult, and post-menopausal.
A breakdown of the Triple Goddess/3 phases for more clarity:
The Maiden:
Youth, freedom, self-focused, energetic, adventurous, risk-taking, innocent, exploring, new beginnings. Corresponds to: waxing moon phase (increasing light), menstrual follicular phase(building). Age: First menstruation- pregnancy* Goddesses: Athena, Artemis, Aphrodite.
The Mother:
Nurturing, sustaining life, responsibility, creating, manifesting, compromising, producing, surrender, compassion, giving.Corresponds to: Full moon (full light), ovulation (fertility). Age: first time motherhood-menopause* Goddesses: Demeter, Hera, Rhiannon, Gaia, Mary.
The Crone:
Knowing, wisdom, experience, spiritual understanding, teaching, self-mastery, solitude, contemplation, letting go, inner awareness. Corresponds to: waning-new moon. (dark moon), menopause. Age: menopause-death* Goddesses: Hecate, Grandmother Spider, Baba Yaga.
*The ages that we transition from one phase to the next is approximate. These phases correspond to the ‘blood mysteries’- connecting them to the biological changes most women go through in a lifetime. A woman who does not procreate, or who has had her reproductive organs surgically removed is not excluded from these phases, nor the archetypes. They are simply experienced in a different way. Also, childhood can be considered as the early part of the maiden phase.
Knowing that these often difficult transitions in our lives are part of a natural cycle makes me feel a whole lot better about it. Especially since our society places perhaps the highest esteem on the ‘maiden’ archetype, idealising women who are slim, youthful, energetic and innocent above all. This makes the transitions to mother and crone much less appealing to us, because with that transition, we lose so much of our perceived value in society.
The next most idealised archetype is the mother. Of course, the qualities of giving, compassion and fertility are placed high in women’s desirability. Preferably, we should still carry the youthful appearance and energy of the maiden with these qualities added. Hence the whole ‘hot moms’ movement, and the ‘super-mom’.
Let’s not even mention the Crone. The patriarchal model would rather it just disappear altogether. Maybe because wise, strong, self-mastered women are quite the force to be reckoned with! During the phase of life when we should feel the most confident and powerful, we are often pushed to feel worthless or invisible. The beauty of aging is still largely unrecognized.
While we can be in a certain phase of life, it does not mean that the other two archetypes are lost. We carry them all in us at once. We just tend to focus on one at a time. For instance, there are many little girls who carry a strong crone energy or mothering energy in their personalities. Also many a 85 year old woman who are more like an adventurous maiden. There are teens who have to learn the mother qualities before ever experiencing independence. We are not limited by our ‘phase of life’ in any way. I have always felt very ‘old’- introspective and intuitive in my maiden years. Sometimes I think I may never quite feel like myself until I am completely wrinkled and grey. In my mother years, there are days when I long for the physical and emotional freedom of my youth, and then I find the maiden in a song and begin to dance her wildly.
Take a moment to reflect on these 3 faces of the Goddess. What is your relationship to each one? Imagine yourself in conversation with each, and write it down. Some interesting things may come up.
For some interesting information on women’s sexuality during each phase check this article.
Tags: goddess spirituality, maiden mother crone, moon phases, mother goddess, prenatal yoga toronto, sacred bellydance, women's blood mysteries, women's sexuality, yoga bellydance, yoga for women toronto
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‘Crying for five minutes is worth one hour of meditation.’ 
I read the above sentence a while back (Unfortunately I can’t remember where, or who said it), and it really stuck with me.
Being human isn’t easy, and I think it must be because we have emotions. They make us do crazy things sometimes. Or just really get in the way of finding the peace and enlightenment many of us seek.
I consider myself to be a fairly emotional person. No matter how hard I try, I feel like they get the best of me, jumping in when I am trying to be objective, or taking over my whole consciousness just when I thought I had it all together. I’ve often felt frustrated that just when I thought an issue was resolved in me, it rears its ugly head again and again, making me feel a failure in my spiritual growth. Or at least, that’s how I’ve perceived it until that perception gradually faded away.
As many spiritual systems say, emotions are unresolved baggage or karma from our past lives, and our childhood. Spiritual disciplines deal with emotions each in their own way. My Buddhist husband sits in meditation and somehow just cuts the ties they have on him, watching them float away meaninglessly. I have tried this meditative detachment method, but it just doesn’t work for me.
I like to follow a more tantric path, in that the only way for me to transform my emotions and grow spiritually is to go right down into the dark cave to meet the monster, and battle it with my own two hands. It’s just more satisfying that way. But its hard going down there. Most of the time, I just don’t feel like it. Its exhausting. I’ll avoid it and distract myself until I can no longer ignore the internal rumbling, like a volcano, until eventually it erupts and I just have to sit with my feelings and cry. And cry, and then cry some more.
Sometimes crying is the only way I actually get to know what it is I am feeling, truly, underneath the situation that triggered it. Our bodies are so magnificient that way. As the tears flow down our face, so does all the unexpressed anger, grief and sadness. It flows right out of us! The lightness of being and inner cleanliness that follows a good cry is incomparable.
It never ceases to fascinate me just how interlinked our body and emotions are. They are truly inseparable. The body NEVER lies!
Over the last 8 years or so, I have found that the best preventative medicine for emotional breakdowns is physical exercise. Yoga can target deep tissues in our bodies that hold our emotional energy in the form of tension. It helps prevent the build up of tension that can eventually manifest as disease, if unattended. I don’t need to lecture you on the thousands of benefits yoga brings, but my favourite benefit has indeed been the emotional balance I have gleaned from transforming my body through regular practice.
My other favourite emotional remedy is dance. Especially bellydancing, as it targets the most emotionally charged areas of the body- the pelvis, abdomen and chest. What is also special about dance is that it is a language and therefore has the ability to give our feelings a voice, and an expression. This in turn, brings the light of awareness to our darker places, and in giving our feelings form, we transform their existence. When they are out on the table, visible, we can choose what to do with them, instead of letting them control us. When I am feeling tense, frustrated, sad, or lethargic, I find some music that matches my mood. Then I move my body the way it wants to move. Suddenly, I realise what I feel. It takes me over. I let it. As I surrender to the energy of the emotion, its hold on me lessens. As I allow it to have a voice, suddenly its not so bad anymore. I’ve turned my anger into something beautiful. And all is right with the world. I now feel that for me, my path of spiritual growth is all about working with my emotions. Loving them, embracing them, and allowing them to transform me.
Our bodies are intelligent, sentient, magical machines that process so many thousands of things in a day, its unbelievable. Let’s take good care of them, by setting aside some time to exercise, to dance and to cry whenever we need to!
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The Balancing Act
I haven’t posted in a while. It’s been a busy last couple months. I am just discovering my limits in balancing work & creativity with motherhood & family, and discovering just how much creative juice I need to nurture all these things.
There are people who say there are no limits to energy, because it is all around us in the world. You just have to plug into it. You just have to let go of the perceived limitation of it. They affirm there is an abundance of energy available to us, if we just tune in. I believe this may be true, but I am not an enlightened superwoman (yet?). I have my limits. Yoga & dance have taught me to go beyond my boundaries, to push myself beyond my perceived limitations…the freedom and joy of this is what keeps me going. But my practice has also taught me how to balance pushing beyond with knowing when to pull in, and rest in my comfort zone. Yang & Yin. Sun & Moon. Outer and Inner. Inhale & exhale. Balance, balance, balance.
My mother is a healer and was reading me an article she wrote about the work she does. She mentioned the word ‘balance’ a lot. And it just really got on my nerves, because I hate that word. It’s just sooo…blah. Whenever I hear or read that word, my instinct is to immediately look elsewhere for stimulation. Even the letters in the word are similar to the words ‘bland’ ‘blah’ and ‘banal’. Who wants to read about that?
In my personal tarot readings lately, I keep getting the card of ‘Temperance’. I actually always liked the card. The beautiful angel is glowing peacefully while pouring water from one cup to the other. The meaning of this card is often of balance- the need to unite opposites, or ‘temper’ energy. It is thought that the original meaning of this card involved cutting wine with water. (Not something I would ever think to do).
Crowley’s Thoth Deck calls this card ‘Art’. I really like that. It gives me a sense of the act of balance moving towards something, creating something new, rather than just going back and forth repeatedly. In art, we create by blending things together in a certain way. When we make art, We are not simply diluting the original elements with each other, like mixing water with wine. We are mixing the original elements together to create a whole new creation, with its own unique life force. We add a certain ‘Je ne sais quoi’ that gives it a stamp of uniqueness and separate life. Like when two parents create a child, that child is a combination of genes and personality traits of its family roots, and yet, it is a unique and separate being in itself.
Looking at the Rider/Waite image of the angel- we notice he/she has one foot on land and the other in water. Water representing the inner life, and earth the outer, manifest world. This can mean balancing our reflective dreaming self with the physical world. Sometimes when we mix earth and water, we can get mud. Or, if we take the time to find the precise mixture of the two elements, we can make a beautiful sandcastle, building materials, or a nice skin treatment. It’s all in how we mix it. Taking the time to be precise, thoughtful, and creative is the key. The act of balance can be a dynamic, challenging and creative process. So maybe its not so boring after all.
The classes I teach are a fusion of so many things- yoga, bellydance, nia, tarot, women’s wisdom, stillness, movement, right-brain imagination, left brain analysis, a mix of goddesses from all religions and more. Sometimes I get discouraged because I feel like I am just diluting the purity of each of these wonderful teachings by mixing them together. But recently I have realised that I am not simply ‘mixing’ them. I am blending, creating, synthesising their many ways of expressing a common goal- Union. Yoga. Harmony. Harmony with self, with the world around us, with all that is. I’m creating a form of mind-body-spirit practice that takes us to the place we all want to be. The place of balance, harmony and peace that can sometimes sound boring, but ultimately sets us free.
But it does take some work, some time, and a good dose of thoughtfulness. Especially when teaching to a class of mixed-level students.
I like what I read about the card of Temperance here: http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/learn/meanings/temperance.shtml
Specifically, the statement that says: ‘ the bow and arrow are useless apart, but together a formidable weapon.’
Sometimes two seemingly unrelated things can produce wonders when put together. But they require strategy, skill and thoughtfulness.
What areas of your life do you feel you are juggling at the moment? How can you bring more harmony and synthesis to your situation? Can you blend separate elements of your life to create something entirely new?
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Becoming Ensouled
As I near my 28th birthday, I am thinking a lot about the last year, where I have been, and where I want to go this year. It’s like a second New Year, complete with resolutions. So far, I am pretty much ‘on track’ with last year’s resolution- have some sense of structure in my day, and my week. Check.
Becoming a mother has unravelled and dissolved many things in my life. Some things that no longer have any use, but also things that I held dear and had a hard time letting go of. (Such as sleeping in, a long yoga class, personal space, time alone, sanity, good health, time with my husband, structure in my day,etc). I feel like I have been stretched and pulled, forced to surrender to some sort of insane thai yoga massage. It was painful, but probably that good kind of pain that you don’t appreciate until later. I am still not in full appreciation yet, but I have faith it will come 
So since the little one has been weaned and walking, I have slowly been able to recover the pieces of ‘me’ that are floating around somewhere in the ether, or that void containing all socks and pens. By ‘me’ I mean that healthy sense of separateness that existed pre-baby. This ‘me’ that is forever transformed now, to share space with my daughter permanently. But it also now dances with the unknown, and forces greater than itself with more ease and a bit less fear.
Somehow in the process of being pushed out of my perceived boundaries I now have the perspective and openness to realign with my true being-for lack of a better word- my soul. The part of me that gently nudges me in the gut, or flutters my heart when I need to make a choice. The voice that whispers in my ear what I need to do, but I ignore it out of mistrust, or sometimes rebellion. At times, this voice urges me to take the hardest road. Other times it lays out a smoothly paved path right in front of me.
How do I know if I am following the voice of my soul?
Reflecting on the past, I noticed that when I pursued things I believed that I wanted, or things that I thought were ‘good for me’, doors began to close. Sometimes very sneakily, and slowly, so I didn’t notice, and other times, slammed in my face. The universe was sending me a message. Find a window, another way. I seethed, frustrated that I just couldn’t make certain things manifest, no matter how much I wanted it, or how hard I tried. No opportunities, resources, etc. But this was because the universe had a better plan. It’s hard to trust it sometimes. I think that this ‘universe’, is really my soul, my inner compass that feels whether something is ‘on’ or ‘off’. It often feels like a force greater than myself making me a victim of fate. But am I a victim if the force of fate is coming from deep within me? No. So I am grateful to motherhood for stretching me to the point that I had no choice but to surrender a bit of my ego, to make room for more soul. I am now realigning with my centre. It feels good. I am becoming ‘ensouled’.
Astrological note: This weekend there is a new moon in Aquarius. This new moon is conjunct Neptune and Chiron, emphasising the imperative for us to realise that we are truly all connected on this Earth, and the best way to help ourselves, is to help others. Our unique purpose will be revealed to us, if we go quiet, and listen to the persistent whisperings of the soul, urging us to come back to our centre, that is totally, uniquely us…and share it with the world.
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I find I am one of those people who must create, all the time. I need to be in a creative process, in touch with my passion, and manifesting tangible results in the world. I think probably all of us are artists, each in our own way. Especially as women, we have the ability and basic desire to create.
In our womb area below the navel, held in the bowl of the pelvis, resides the 2nd chakra. This is the centre of desire and pleasure. In sanskrit it is called Svadhisthana (sweetness). This is where we feel union with Shakti, the feminine force of creation, which is present in everything. This sweetness of the 2nd chakra can come through anything we do- making love, dancing, painting, singing, writing a book, preparing a meal, healing someone, cleaning the house, anything! And, most obviously, through the creation of a child. But anything we do can be infused with the passion, pleasure, and desire that is contained in our womb. When I teach a class, I like to call the 2nd chakra energy The Juice. When in a posture, rather than being static, let some juice come through. Let some sensuality sprout through your hands to make them come alive in downward dog, or warrior. Express your love of life through each breath. Its kind of like making love with your yoga postures.
To have the juice come through means first we must be a clean, clear vessel for the energy. We need to be aware of where the energy is flowing, and guide it towards a destination. We need to be willing to break through those energy blocks of tension and misalignment in the body. Those of us who dance, are acutely aware of any blockages to the energy flow. Sometimes our body has a hard time doing a certain movement. We see it blatantly in front of the mirror and feel it in our muscles. These blockages are due to truckloads of karma stored in our bodies. (And I must have a lot, because without yoga or dance, and my network spinal care, I am a mess!). Most holistic healing practices focus on the balancing of chi, or energy in the body. Chi, prana, shakti, its all pretty much the same thing- the divine flow that moves through us. When we unite with this divine flow, we are making love to the universe. And when we do that, there is only one thing asked of us… Drop the Ego.
Ok, so what does that mean? It means surrender, let go, become one with life. To be juicy means we have to let go of our ideas of why it isn’t safe, acceptable, or right to do so. Let go of that stuff that clogs our bodies and minds with ‘I can’t', ‘never’, and ‘But, what if’ and ‘mine’. Let go of the belief that we are a separate entity from everything around us.
Now, for some, it is more complicated getting in touch with the 2nd chakra. Sexual abuse, womb-trauma, loss, menstrual issues, disease, surgery,and emotional issues leave a scar on our chakra of sweetness, making it a long process of healing before the juice can be felt again. Just being a woman in a patriarchial world, and being connected to collective wound of the feminine stemming from centuries of oppression makes it a long journey to recovering our trust again. But it is always there, it is never gone. The journey towards loving ourselves, and embracing our juice is a long and winding road. A key affirmation to help us: ‘I deserve to feel pleasure’.
The partner chakra to the 2nd chakra, is the brow chakra, or Ajna (to perceive and command). This chakra allows us to see with clarity, and visualise a goal to channel our creative energy towards. More than just seeing, we perceive through this chakra. Combining our desire, with deep perception, we can create magic.
Start in small ways. What feels good? How can you bring pleasure to eating your food? While you wash the dishes, make it a sensual experience. Feel the warm water on your hands. Lovingly caress the dishes. As you brush your hair let each stroke nurture you and massage out tension. Take a moment at work to think a pleasurable thought..maybe even make up a juicy poem and write it down, no matter how silly it sounds. You are a conduit of sweetness and pleasure.
Then drop the Ego. It’s not about you. If you have experienced pregnancy, labour, and/or motherhood, you know what it means to surrender, to merge with life. There is no ‘me’ to worry about. You can’t think about how you look, what others are thinking, what society thinks. You give yourself up for the creation of new life. And yet, you don’t disappear. You are become a vessel of something larger, more powerful and meaningful. The same as when you are truly in the act of sex, and orgasm. Orgasm is also called ‘petit mort” in french, which means ‘little death’. It is the death of the ego, the limiting self. The ego may creep back in the form of resentment, criticism, judgement, martyrdom or anger, but in between, divinity shines through, always. Acknowledge the sacredness of your sacrifice to merge with the divine flow of life.
My wish is that all women find way to allow more juice in their lives. I am working on it. Whatever you are working on these days, try letting a ‘little death’ happen. Surrender to that juicy passion inside. I think I will go take my own advice, and put on some music, and shake my svadhisthana.
Tags: bellydance, chakras, goddess spirituality, shakti, women's sexuality, yoga and sensuality
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A teacher once pointed out to me that the word discipline had the word disciple in it. I thought that was pretty cool. I always associated discipline with feeling oppressed, the feeling I should do something without necessarily wanting to. It just seemed to suck the fun out of everything. Maybe because as a child the word discipline was associated with punishment and the word ‘no’. As adults we still don’t like to hear ‘no’ very much. But we know that in order to achieve our goals- any goals of substance, we must always discipline ourselves in some way. And we all (to some degree) know the importance of it. We have all practiced self-discipline many times over. But it still doesn’t make it much easier or desirable.
Thinking of the word disciple gives new meaning to discipline. It becomes something we are engaged in by choice, rather than forced to do. We can think of discipline as akin to devotion. When we become disciples of our endeavor, the work that comes with it is enjoyable- an expression of love and nurturance.
I am not religious, but the disciples of Jesus does come to mind, and when I think of them, I don’t picture an oppressive, difficult situation. I see the beauty of devotion, and following. Students emulating and learning from their teacher. In our lives, I believe we can be hard-working, inspired students of our goals, without coming down on ourselves with a heavy hand.
Being a yogini, a dancer, and a spiritual seeker, discipline has always been part of the path. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is hold seated prayer twist another 5 seconds, or practice my abdominal exercises. Even more challenging is the discipline required to change my negative thinking patterns, transform anger, or fully embrace what I am feeling at any given moment. Changing my deeply ingrained habits is soooo hard!!
BUT, it is worth it. And, I think its worth it because I am a disciple to my spiritual path. I am devoted living to my full potential. Some days, I feel totally bummed and hate life. But being a disciple of my spiritual path helps to give me the discipline necessary to grow and change, and eventually liberate myself of obstacles to living & being who I truly am- A divine being learning to be human.
Now that it’s 2010, it’s that time of year where we can take stock and review what changes we want to make in ourselves and in our lives in the coming year. Having worked in a fitness related field for some time, I always find it funny how ‘gung ho’ everybody is in January to start a new health and exercise regime. People flood the yoga studios and gyms. They work hard..really hard..for about 2 months. Then, by the end of February classes have shrunk significantly. Maybe I get too emotional about things, but this phenomenon never fails to make me sad. I feel so disappointed that they didn’t stick it out. I know how rewarding sticking it out could have been for them. It may be that January is that magical month, where the sun is in Capricorn- the sign of discipline and hard work, and there are the New Year’s resolutions that get everyone inspired to change and grow. But I guess the intense discipline Capricorn’s energy brought loses momentum, and people go back to their comfortable ways after a few weeks. It seems they burn themselves out with too much intensity of the oppressive and punishing form of discipline, instead of deciding to become a disciple to their regime- which gives one a sense of being engaged in a long-term relationship of devotion and respect.
I have decided this year to become a disciple of embracing the unknown. Also, to cultivating greater skill in bellydancing. How about you? What are you going to be a disciple of?
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Staying Aligned Through Change…
